Calling It What It Is

I feel better today than I have in many days. I know Iโ€™m still not okay, I know I wonโ€™t magically be okay โ€”I haven’t talked much about my sorta recent bout of depression, but really it isnโ€™t that recent. Iโ€™ve just been in denial about it for months.

You know how it is, if you manage to feel happy for a day or two you convince yourself you canโ€™t be really depressed, or if you have friends dealing with far more debilitating depression, allowing yourself to call your own struggle by the same word is very difficult. Itโ€™s like saying โ€œIโ€™m hurt tooโ€ when you feel that what you have is a sprained ankle and the person next to you has two broken legs. But even if my pain doesnโ€™t seem as raw, I realize that ignoring it hasnโ€™t been helping at all.

Ironically I feel least likely to reach out to those who would understand me the most, for the reasons stated above. I feel like if anything I need to make sure I stay strong for when they need me.

Anyway work has actually been going really well. My husband has been so supportive of it all, and he is the one who has helped me most to come to terms with the fact that my depression is back, so I can deal with it. Iโ€™ve been getting lots done and make sure I stay busy with things that make me happy. I still can do that thankfully, which is a good sign.

I let myself work on a new pair of icons for my friend and me, which will be spring + cloud-watching themed (maybe Iโ€™ll stretch it into a banner too!) And Iโ€™ve been working on my books and commercial projects.