Quite Honestly, I Donโ€™t Think Iโ€™m Okay ๐Ÿง ๐Ÿ’ง

About two months ago, I went to have two urgent brain MRIs done. These were due to exertional headaches. This topic is TMI heavy, so please only click to keep reading if you are okay with that.

Iโ€™m way too done with all this shit to beat around the bush and I canโ€™t ignore the topic when discussing it, so Iโ€™ll be blunt, I got a vibrator and was able to have orgasms for the first time, and soon started to have thunderclap headaches when climaxing. Thatโ€™s what begins this saga. I have no history of headaches, but I am an epileptic.

After what happened in this and this post, life went back to normal. In fact, my headaches began to go away.

A few weeks later they were back โ€”stronger and on the other side of my head. This time they were accompanied with strong pressure and tingling all over my body, but especially in my scalp/back of my head, which wouldnโ€™t go away. So I went back to the neurologist (yesterday.) This was also when my neurologist would discuss my (apparently harmless) brain cyst with me.

Now let me tell you I thought a harmless cyst would be small. My cyst isnโ€™t small:

Itโ€™s fucking big. But apparently a non-issue. ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ Maybe this isn’t big as far as cysts go… it’s just really not what I was expecting “small” would look like.

I was sent to do lots of blood work and another MRI (this time cervical) given some medication, and instructed to keep a log of my headaches but otherwise continue life as normal. That was yesterday afternoon.

Which brings us to yesterday evening.

Yesterday evening, I felt pretty good overall, so I thought Iโ€™d use my wand and take the chance to pay attention to my symptoms and start my log.

Now you have to keep in mind that as intense as the thunderclap headaches were, as much of โ€œice pick to the brainโ€ as they felt, they didnโ€™t last long (the bad pain 60 seconds tops) so they didnโ€™t really hold me back from masturbating. It was an inconvenience, which paled you the joy of discovering orgasms at 37, as many of you can imagine. I never had an experience that left me โ€œI will never do this again.โ€

Until yesterday.

The headache this time was so bad, I would say five times as intense as a headache that I would previously have considered a 10 out of 10, the โ€œworst headache of my life.โ€ You can only imagine the worst of pain based on whatever is the worst pain you experienced in your whole life. To say this was on a different level doesnโ€™t do the experience justice. I could not move. I couldnโ€™t close my eyes. I could barely even breathe. I thought, frankly, I was dying. And it lasted much longer than before.

Before, the โ€œworst headache of my lifeโ€ lasted 60 seconds and I was left with a dull ache and pressure.

This time, well, take the worst headache of my life, the worst pain I thought it was possible to feel, and multiply it by 5 in duration and in intensity. It was about six minutes before I was able to walk to my phone, with difficulty, to call Christopher. And when he picked up I dissolved in tears. From the pain, and from the fear of such an amount of pain. I could barely talk, I was so nauseous. My entire face, gums, sinuses, eyes, as well of course my entire head was still in so much pain. I was crying mostly from the shock I guess, of being in so much pain at once. It was unbelievable. If we lived in a different country Iโ€™m sure I would have gone to the ER.

For like 20 minutes I couldnโ€™t really move, not even to go lie down. The pressure of a pillow, itself, made it worse. I took four Advil and it took about an hour to be “okay” again.

About two hours later, the pain came back to some degree. Mostly very strong pressure and queasiness. I woke up several times during the night because of the feeling of a vice slowly squeezing my head. And today, even now, the pressure is really bad.

My MRI is scheduled for next week. Iโ€™m going to call the neurologist after posting this, as they should be open now, to update on the situation.

To clarify: my brain is fine. My blood pressure is fine.

If all tests are inconclusive, Iโ€™m going to get a second opinion on the cyst. I really trust my doctor. Sheโ€™s really good and she really cares. Sheโ€™s one of the best in the area. But I may, anyway.

Today isnโ€™t a normal day. I donโ€™t feel well. The pressure is exhausting, I feel as though I was very ill. I am nauseous. I hate making a post that is probably bound to worry a lot of my friends. But I want you all to know what is happening.

I will update as I have more news.

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