State of The Squelf: Mid-October Edition ๐Ÿ‘ป

I canโ€™t believe itโ€™s already Monday again. I canโ€™t believe itโ€™s already almost 6pm. Today flew by, yet it also dragged on. I donโ€™t feel well overall.

Last week, Akumin called again to reschedule my cervical MRI: in spite of all the problems, my insurance approved it and it was moved to Tuesday. That was a relief. So I got that done.

Unfortunately, I goofed and forgot about my blood test appointment. So that added a week of time to that. Iโ€™ll be getting the blood drawn this Friday. I felt very stupid.

Last Thursday I had another headache. The difference here was that it was the first time that it happened when my husband and I were intimate. Up until now, it had only been a โ€œby myselfโ€ problem. So that put a temporary damper on the evening. It wasnโ€™t terrible, as I stopped in time, but it left me with a burning in the area of what I now know is my occipital nerves under my right ear. Itโ€™s a pressure, an ache, an annoying warmth. And that remained for days, varying in intensity, and I feel it even now. Itโ€™s deeply annoying, and coupled with my PMS and with physical needs that I cannot take care of for the foreseeable future, I am literally crawling up the walls. Itโ€™s the freaking worst.

CW: TMI ahead.

Sometimes I wish Iโ€™d never discovered orgasms. A little over a couple of months ago, I didnโ€™t need them, and I was fine. Maybe I wasnโ€™t always, but I didnโ€™t know that it was a problem. Now I know what they are, and how to have them. And I canโ€™t. I canโ€™t because if I do it I feel like someone is torturing me with an ice pick, hammer and vice to the head, all in one. All of that โ€”and not taking care of myself is STILL HARD. The frustration Iโ€™m feeling physically is so horrible, that if a solution to my headaches cannot be found, Iโ€™ll gladly take a pill to at least temporarily kill my libido. Because this is a horrible way to feel. Itโ€™s horrible.


I meant to introduce you all to Punkim. As far as Charlie Bears go, Punkim is very basic looking, but heโ€™s big and fluffy. I think heโ€™s my most down-to-earth bear. I like him lots and lots.

Hereโ€™s a couple of photos of Punkim before his outfit was complete. You can see his face (and his cute little bear pants) better:

And here he is in his full outfit:

Lately, Christopher and I have been playing a little of Ever17 every day. Itโ€™s a game thatโ€™s really important to him, and as we play, I can see why. Itโ€™s been a wonderful routine especially on the days he is home earlier, or on the weekends, to play together for an hour while having a snack.

Iโ€™ve been eating crushed dry ramen while playing which makes me feel like an absolute beast, but to tell the truth itโ€™s one of the most delicious things Iโ€™ve ever had. You smash the ramen, pour it in a bowl, and then mix it with the powder. Try it! I discovered it after seeing itโ€™s sold as a dry snack in Asian stores and itโ€™s 100% the same thing as normal dry ramen.

(And yes, this is completely safe to eat, though you have to be careful with your teeth, and I can only vouch for Nissin brand as being safe to eat like this, but I do believe most ramen is pre-cooked. Youโ€™re just hydrating it.)

On Saturday night Christopher surprised me by taking me to our favorite ramen place. I was sure it had closed down. It really made my night!

Iโ€™m doing my best to push through commission work. But to tell the truth I have no motivation for anything… not drawing, writing, reading, gaming… nothing… ๐Ÿ˜ž

Maybe tomorrow Iโ€™ll concentrate on giving the house a good cleaning. I think that has been bothering me. Maybe it will help, if only I can muster the motivation.

Oh, yeah. I want to deeply, deeply thank everyone who got slots for the Winter Friends YCH. While Iโ€™m still returning and reordering stuff from Amazon, overall my setup is improving daily. Getting used to some changes in my setup presents a challenge of its own, but Iโ€™m doing my best. Once Iโ€™m 100% all done, Iโ€™ll post photos of both completed setups.

Iโ€™m most excited to get my Redbubble stickers for my desk. I canโ€™t wait to cover the desk in new stickers. โœจ ๐ŸŒˆ

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