Today didn’t start so great. My cramps are really bad (at least this likely means I won’t have any tomorrow) and the morning very quickly gave me a vibe of “I should keep my head down and be quiet” today. So that’s what I’m going to do.

Ordinarily, today I would be trying to do something to celebrate with my mom, but, you know, COVID. December 12th is a deeply important date to me and my mother; it’s the day we arrived to the United States and left everything behind, unaware that my dad and grandma would die before I could see them again. It was one of the happiest AND scariest days of my life.

This year it’s extra special, because it marks 19 years. That means that I have officially lived longer in the USA than in Argentina. Sadly no one cares to celebrate it or mark it in any way or congratulate me, other than my mom, so when she’s gone, it’ll be a day like any other. And this year I can’t see even her. It’s so odd to have it be such a non-event, even though, on no other date did my life change so drastically as when I left my country of birth behind forever. My wedding day is the only thing that comes close to that.

All in all this feels like an odd day, with a kinda sad and lonely vibe, and one where I feel I should try to stay out of the way as much as I can. I’m going to do my chores and then work on commissions until I drop.