To begin with, I’m probably done taking photos because my heart isn’t in them. It feels stupid to post them when I feel so utterly down.
Not much has changed. My mood is still absolutely awful and I cannot let it out anywhere (of course it spills out of me regardless, no matter how much I try).
I don’t want to bring Christopher down anymore. I know it makes him so sad. He wants to cheer me up, but he can’t. So, this is my only outlet.
I remain so stressed about the house and the cats, so bummed and disappointed by the canceled plans, I am so uninterested in this week’s plans and literally counting down the days until I am home again… I SO don’t want to go to the parks. I don’t want to go anywhere. I want to go home and mourn what we couldn’t do, and work on art, which invariably cheers me up. That’s all I want and I wouldn’t be a sad sack, I’d literally be happy if I could only do that at this point.
I really was fine with the last two vacation cancellations. This third one, followed by a week of plans I really don’t want to do, is just breaking me.
Every activity on its own would be a fun weekend. But it’s not stuff I want to spend a whole week doing. And it is SO MUCH. It is too much. There is no rest, only frantic packing and unpacking, three different hotel rooms, no privacy, a total of ten hours on a rattling train, walking for hours in 90° + weather with burning hot sun and insane humidity, and multiple hours total of waiting for rides that I (mostly) don’t want to go on.
The worst part is having to be grateful about it all, even though I never wanted this. I am well aware that not wanting this makes me a bad person, a killjoy. But it’s not like I’m against everyone else being happy and having fun. I just don’t want to be here.
Well… it’s not like everything is terrible. I’ve enjoyed playing cards and having dinners together, very much, I always do.
I’m really mostly in a bad mood because of the week ahead, because of wanting no part of this, and having to force myself to be cheerful and grateful about things I don’t want to do. Otherwise, so far it is a very nice time.
Anyway have a random Sissy, my mom in law’s cats have cheered me up a little at times:
I’m all packed now (hooray?) and I had to leave Beanie in the car so I have as little stuff to hunt for in the morning as possible. I hated leaving him alone so I kinda tucked him in.
Going to sleep I guess. Up at 5:45am.
Sorry things have gone so poorly with your plans. If art cheers you up why not bring a sketch pad and some pencils (or get some if you already left) so you can sketch something you see?
Gosh that’s terrible.
I was gonna go out of town for my birthday this month, in June. But my dad has some artery dissection in his neck, and so he can’t have any stress or it could make it worse. The stress would be me or my mom driving. So we just stayed home, and I spent my birthday like normal. Great, there’s more I want to say now. Lots more. I al least had a birthday party with friends. And most of them also know I’m a furry, so that’s cool.
Anyways, I hope you find at least something to cheer you up.