This post is definitely way more triggering than my usual fitness posts, which 99% of the time are limited simply to stats and information. I just need a place to vent these thoughts and feelings which apply to me and my relationship with my body ONLY. If talk about body image issues, weight and/or weight loss is distressing for you, please, skip this post altogether (and you may want to skip all my fitness posts).
I made this paragraph long so you have a chance not to scroll further if you’re viewing this in email form (if you’re an email subscriber) given that “cuts” don’t work on email, I think. If that is the case and this post could trigger you, just delete the email and don’t read beyond this paragraph. Thank you!
CW: Calorie counting and/or weight tracking after the cut. Please do not proceed if you have an eating disorder and/or find posts of this sort triggering.
So… today was a bit of a wake-up call. I had a (new) “normal” day as far as my eating habits, which over the last few months regressed once again to eating my feelings, eating when bored, eating when reading/gaming/watching TV, waiting until I feel like I can eat again, purely out of compulsion. I eat very little when I do, which is why it still remains somewhat under control, even if I snack constantly… and I still exercise (though a lot less than I did a few months ago). But my slacking off was regardless enough to put back on all my lost weight.
Naturally I am discouraged and disappointed with myself. I stopped doing weigh-ins and tracking calories for literally no reason other than laziness. Yesterday when I finally tracked all my calories again, I was horrified at the final tally, in a sedentary workday. 😓 Though some numbers may be higher than they actually are (I prefer to err on the side of overcounting calories rather than undercounting).
But track them I did, and I post them even if I am mortified, to keep myself accountable. I reset and updated both my exercise ticker and my weight tracker. Seeing that metric having gone up so dramatically is embarrassing, but all I can do is not let that paralyze me and keep moving forward. A few months ago I was the happiest I’d been with my body in my entire life. I know by Christmas I can easily be there again if only I stay consistent. So here we go again!
🐰 Current Progress 🐰
🥗 Daily Calories 🥗
Daily goal: 1,200 kcal/day 💞 EXERCISE IN BOLD
|Starbucks Doubleshot Light Espresso x 3||210|
|Stroopwafel x 2||340|
|Centrum Multi Beauty Multigummies||20|
|Protein One Strawberries & Cream Protein Bar||90|
|Fruit Loops Jumbo Snax||50|
|Handful of nuts||70|
|Margarine and fig spread sandwich on Italian bread||255|
|Jersey Mike’s Tuna Sub On Normal Bread W/Two Slices of Swiss||1,160|
|Baked Lays (1/2 Bag)||120|
✨ Summary ✨
|🎈 TODAY’S WEIGHT:||128.4 lbs|
|💧 TODAY’S WATER INTAKE:||32 Oz|
|🩸 LAST CYCLE:||N/A|