I’m sorry this took so long, but Visitor messages have now been added in. You can sign the guestbook right here! In addition, all comments have been replied to and approved. Thank you for your patience!

I’ve also updated my 40th Birthday Wishes post. I decided to remove the couple of toys I had in favor of an oversize scanner. I know it’s not possible for any one person to get me any of these three very extravagant items, but I figure it’s best to concentrate on those, and maybe with gift cards I can get one. If not, maybe by Christmas! 🙂

Next post should hopefully be on Sunday as per usual. 🙋‍♀️

THIS IS A CROSS-POST OF THIS FURAFFINITY JOURNAL. (Note: I’ve since deleted my account so this link is no longer valid). Because this is a very drastic action, I am reposting it here exactly as it appears on FurAffinity, in case anyone missed it. The wording reflects it being posted over at FA.

I will be sending the deletion request Sunday night. I will not be merely disabling the account –it will be gone completely. I already sent deletion requests for my SnailClub and CharlieBears accounts.

I’m not posting this to get “nuuu pls don’t leave!” comments, hence why I am posting this entry with comments disabled. I wouldn’t make such a serious announcement if I could in any way be made to change my mind, so you shouldn’t try, but you are welcome to stay in touch with me via the avenues I will provide below.

These last couple of years I have done a tremendous amount of back and forth with art accounts and social media. Sometimes remaking and deleting accounts in the same spaces within the month. It took me many false starts to leave Twitter permanently. I’m sure any journal of this sort from me incites eye-rolling, but please understand that behind my indecisiveness is a lot of hurt and sense of loss. I try to stay on sites due to isolation, but staying feels awful, so I leave –repeat ad nauseaum.

Leaving FA is definitely the nuclear option and one I’ve never taken before. I have never been on any website as long as I have been on FurAffinity. Though it makes me sad to delete it, this is only due to memories of what the site used to be, that which it no longer represents for me. Actually deleting it is no real loss to me in its current state.

I make this journal to give people the opportunity to bookmark how I can be found going forward.

Hopefully, the FAQ below will answer most questions:

👾 Why?

Multiple reasons. I do want to make clear that the new AUP rules are only a small factor, mainly in the sense that they caused a lot of my friends to leave. This site is mostly dead for me now, both in terms of the activity I see, and in the activity I receive from others. But this isn’t the main reason. The main reason is more personal, and applies to other sites that I am also leaving along with FA.

The TL/DR of it is this: my morals and values as an artist (if that is even a proper way to put it) clearly no longer align with the current “art community zeitgeist”, both in and out of furry. It is not getting any better, so I am once and for all peacing out of those online communities where I find this to be a problem. Right now, that seems to be almost all of them. To put it in comically simple terms, I am not prudish enough to fit in. 🙃

👾 Why wouldn’t you leave your account up for posterity, at least?

My personal comfort comes first, and I am more comfortable if my account is wiped altogether than if I leave anything here.

Other things that have been deleted or will be deleted soon (some are pending deletion requests): Retrospring, Gumroad, cohost, Toyhou.se, Mastodon, and even my Carrd. At this point, I am unsure if I will delete Instagram, but since all the same issues are present there, I think it’s probable.

👾 What Will Be Left?

Above all, I will ALWAYS have my blog (https://squelfland.com) where I post often. All of my art gets posted there. Everything you would have seen me post anywhere, also gets posted to my blog and will continue to be posted there. You don’t have to miss any of my content if you don’t want to.

Ultimately, my online activity won’t decline by much. Everything I delete was a crosspost for my blog anyway. Whether or not you continue to see my content depends on you and the effort you choose to make. Given this, I fully expect to fade out of the majority of radars.

I’ll still be on my Telegram art channel (https://t.me/artysquelf) and chat (https://t.me/+T47wfGw6FNJjLSpZ). You are welcome to pass the links around to others, as well!

My Telegram is Squelfland (https://t.me/Squelfland) if you need to reach out directly.

I’ll still be on Patreon (https://www.patreon.com/squelfland) and Ko-Fi (https://ko-fi.com/squelfland). I’ll still be on YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/@squelfland –though I disable comments there) and I have two streaming channels on Twitch, GamingSquelf (https://www.twitch.tv/gamingsquelf/about) and Squelfland (https://www.twitch.tv/squelfland).

👾 Is This Forever?

I… really don’t know. I guess if the Internet went back a little to how it used to be, maybe I would want to be social online again. I used to enjoy it a lot. Right now, it doesn’t feel that way. I feel that the world has become extremely toxic and virulent towards artists and fictional works, and worst of all, it is artists doing this to each other. So I’m just kinda… done with it all. I’m going back to quietly drawing for myself, as I said I would after closing commissions anyway, but now in my own spaces only.

💕💕💕 Thank You 💕💕💕

I made good memories here, really good ones. I want to leave before they are spoiled any further for me. Really, thank you for everything. I’ll see you in the spaces I mentioned above, and if things change, maybe in some other, new site, in a few years.

Thank you, everyone. Goodbye!

P.S. If you are an artist friend with a Telegram art channel, please reach out to me. I’ll try to find and follow as many of them as possible in the next couple of days.

Hey everyone! As I’ve slowly been making some changes, I wanted to give formal notice of them. They’re kind of major, so I appreciate you reading this long but important post.

Even if you’ve already read this on FA, please note that this post has been greatly revised and expanded, so there’ll be more info for you if you read it again here.

🌈 BEFORE YOU READ 🌈

The most important things to keep in mind are: I am in no way disappearing, and you shouldn't expect my artistic output to decrease, either! What I draw WILL change, however, and it will make me happier. 😊

I am also making my withdrawal from the community a little more formal, but in practical terms, I had already withdrawn. I am not really spending most of my time in furry spaces anymore.

My Patreon isn't closing, my Telegram group isn't closing, my FA account won't be deleted and I'll still post art to it.

So really: the biggest change is that I am no longer accepting commissions. These changes are all for my personal fulfillment. I hope you can be happy for me, and not make me feel bad. I gave the majority of my time, life and output to the community for twelve long years, and I want to move on to other things, other hobbies, and other endeavors.

REGARDING COMMISSIONS

❌ COMMISSIONS ARE PERMANENTLY CLOSED ❌

Requests are also closed (and always have been), while trades are for close friends only (but I am not available for those for a while, regardless). I will eventually reopen trades and collaborations.

Any commissions that have been paid for, will be completed as normal, and my Trello remains available for viewing. However, I have removed all commission information from my website/socials/online galleries/etc.

👑 MY PATREON WILL REMAIN OPEN 👑

I have no plans to close or make changes to my Patreon! It will remain the only way to reliably get art for me in the form of freebies and YCHs. Indeed, if you’re a Patreon supporter, I am basically begging you to not cancel your pledge for a couple of months if you are able to maintain it without hardship. My hope is to find a job and clear my queue in the space of two months, but if I lose the $130-ish I get from Patreon, doing that may get much harder without accepting any new commission work. 😓

(With that said, I also don’t want anyone to get into undue financial difficulty, so if you need to cancel I understand and will manage somehow.)

Working on my Patreon pieces, which are artistic freedom, still brings me a lot of joy. I will stop offering the rewards the moment that feeling of joy goes away. So please know, if you’re a supporter, that if the tiers are still up, it means that working on that art is making me happy. It is not a burden in any way.

With that said: please do not try to get non-artistic freedom commissions using your Patreon rewards, by ignoring this fact and asking me to include details that would normally require a normal commission slot. There are no exceptions.

WHY? 😕

I have decided to take this more drastic decision of announcing closure and removing all commission info (rates, terms, etc) because I’ve kinda wanted to go back to job seeking and no longer take commissions, but either by temptation or necessity, I keep taking commissions –again and again– despite the fact that I’ve tried this before.

So I am forcing my own hand here, because other than Patreon (which I still find fun and fulfilling) I just don’t want to do this anymore, and without such drastic action, I kinda lack the discipline to pull the plug on my business of so many years.

It’s true that at my last job, little as it lasted, I was very upset about not getting to draw all day. Like my husband said, what I really need to find is a part-time job, or even temporary work. I don’t really have a need to work all the time, I am very fortunate in that regard. I just need to save money for certain events from time to time and make a little side money to help my mom.

🐾 MY PLACE IN THE FANDOM 🐾

🙅‍♀️ I AM NO LONGER ATTENDING FURRY CONS 🙅‍♀️

Every once in a while, friends still ask me “Are you attending so-and-so con?” And while I’ve mostly been unable to due to other travel plans or monetary reasons for about three years now, the truth is… I haven’t been terrible bummed about it.

I have come to the realization that my desire to attend furry conventions is simply not going to return; in fact, it wanes more with every passing month and year. It’s no longer my scene, I have no interest. I’d rather work towards visits to specific friends when I am able and attend other events and conventions that aren’t furry-related.

We may cross paths at other cons! Anime cons, science-fiction cons… who knows! But I no longer plan to attend any furry conventions.

💟 OTHER CHANGES THAT I HAVE MADE 💟

I’ve deleted my Littlefur Mastodon account (I still have one on Mastodon.art).

My FA watch list has gone down from almost 2000 to a trim 160 (yes, really!) I went through every single person that I was watching and went down to that few. This is because I don’t plan to visit the site as often, and when I do, I don’t want to miss out on the stuff my close friends and favorite artists have posted. I did the same in other places, like cohost.

I unwatched people because they posted topics I either wasn’t interested in, or actively put off by, because they had been inactive for years/deactivated/passed away, or because we weren’t close any longer. Every rule I used to trim my list had one or a few exceptions, but I did unwatch people I really care about because I no longer wanted to see more extreme sort of fetish content, so please don’t take an unwatch as it meaning we are no longer friends, this is not the case AT ALL.

💭 INTROSPECTIVE 💭

None of this is new; nor is it my first attempt at this life change. But it is the first time that I’ve used a bit of a scorched earth method to go about it.

You might say “you’ve tried this before” and yes –I have. But never taking all my commission info down in this way. It was a huge amount of work, because my commission offerings were intertwined with my entire online presence and dozens of pages on my site and social media. I had to fix dozens of broken links. It was a BIG job.

I have been gradually taking bigger and bigger steps back from the fandom over time: first, from our specific “niche”, then, from the fandom as a whole. It has been increasingly becoming a negative force in my life over the last few years, and a place where everyone is seemingly engaged in upsetting discourse or sharing of kinks that I have no interest in, which is pretty alienating at times.

I have tried to maintain a presence in certain spaces where I’ve long felt that I no longer fit in, mostly because I have friends and loved ones in those spaces still. But I don’t wanna force myself to be in them anymore. Hopefully the friendships can be maintained outside of that. Otherwise, it would be a real bummer.

Moreover, at some point long ago I stopped calling myself a furry. I slowly removed that tag from all my art. I’m not sure when that happened, because it was gradual, but it did. It isn’t a label that I feel fits me today. It’s just not me anymore. No community label does anymore, but furry actually feels alienating to me now.

I wanted a simple way to convey this last part without sounding emotional or upset, because I am neither: my interests simply keep pushing me to other areas. It’s been a fun twelve years, but I want to see what else my artistic future can hold.

You’re going to see a great uptick of personal work this year, and once I finish with the current draft (which has seen more progress these last three months than in the last three years) you’re going to be seeing a barrage of illustrated book chapters being posted to my site. I hope you’ll look forward to that.

When I came into the furry fandom, there was a big empty hole in my life. For twelve years, that hole was filled by the community, a large net of furry friends, and furry fandom activities, online and offline. I gave the community my all: twelve years of most of my artistic output. I feel that I’ve received a lot in return as well, but also that it has somewhat run its course in my life. And so, I find myself with a sort of emptiness again.

But that emptiness doesn’t upset me. Instead, I’m looking forward to finding a new community, or two. I want to delve more into paleontology and I want to attend science-fiction conventions. This year, I’ve filled my time with reading, scrapbooking, puzzle-building, gaming, walking, and other fun and fulfilling activities. It’s been wonderful –I can’t wait for more!

🌈 PARTING THOUGHTS 🌈

I’d like to close with this: at some point in the next two months, you’ll probably see me fret, second-guess myself, worry about money, have trouble adjusting, etc. Please give me support (as in, cheer me on) rather than I-told-you-so’s. It’s gonna be a big change for me, but I’m going to give it my all.

Thank you for always supporting my artistic endeavors! I can’t wait to share new stuff with you!

Before you comment, please read this again (just including a reminder because again, I’m still posting art and interacting with my friends and with my Telegram group and everything! This isn’t a sad announcement.)

As you have probably noticed I’ve made a big effort to return to the fandom properly. If we had a falling out, and I know there have been some on my end and on others, I want to extend a friendly hand. I’ve unblocked quite a few people, I already mentioned doing so a week or so ago, but today I actually went through my entire blocklist (on FA and elsewhere). It was hundreds of people and I unblocked most of them. I feel that over the past 12 years I’ve blocked too liberally here.

The only cases where I didn’t unblock were: they are a bot, or a truly, outwardly terrible person (usually already banned by the site anyway) or if me or my friends were harassed by the person in question in a very targeted manner (and never grew from this behavior/never tried to make amends). Beyond this there was literally a single person with whom any interaction is sadly, to this day, still massively triggering for me. Maybe someday that will change, but right now it is still the case. I want to keep my heart open, it’s just that sometimes any further interaction can cause damage to both parties and I worry that it’s the case here. But, it is sincerely no ill will on my part, more of a “I can’t handle it” situation.

And, some of the people I unblocked I do feel a tad unsafe about, but I want to just believe in the potential good of people. Worst case I can block again.

In some cases there was no blocking, but perhaps simply some terse words, and then communication awkwardly dropped off.

In other cases, it is people I love and knew for many years, with whom the broken bond hurts.

Life is really short, and online bonds so fragile. In as many cases as possible, I am willing to completely clear the slate, I will hold no grudges against you, and I ask forgiveness for whatever I may have thoughtlessly, with or without good intentions, said or done that has hurt you. Sometimes perhaps this was simply finding yourself blocked by me in spite of no interaction. Sometimes perhaps you apologized and I wasn’t ready to forgive or accept you could change. In as many cases as possible, I want to move forward, and start the coming year with a shiny blank page and an offer of friendship to all.