Tag Archives: Onesies Downunder

Just A Bit Left Of March ๐ŸŒทโœจ

Happy Sunday, everyone! More and more, you can feel spring in the air. Of course, with it also approaches hurricane season, and since it’s Florida, unbearable heat. Still, I try to find enjoyment in the changes.

This was a very busy week. Less art got done, but it was productive in other ways. I felt pretty unwell and cranky on the weekend due to my period and the hecticness that surrounded it, but I’m trying to do my best.

๐ŸŒˆ Monday ๐ŸŒˆ

Monday I worked on art, on chores, played a little more of my Code: Realize fandisc, and I went out for a long walk. The weather was lovely, I felt pretty happy.

I had a pretty colorful outfit on this day, which included one of the designs I created myself for ODU:

During my walk, a tree I often come across was in full bloom, the floor completely covered in its flowers. It was a pretty sight.

At the store I got a new drying mat since our current one doesn’t really match the kitchen:

And, as it often happens when the spring items come out, I got my hands on two snail items! A decorative towel…

…and my favorite, a little welcome stone! I placed it next to all the other snail things:

I walked for like three hours, and came home starving. So I had a snack of crackers with pate and cheese, strawberries, and a little wine:

I also acquired these hilarious little alien things to have fun with later during the week:

Here’s a little random something from last week which I forgot to share. Diesel arrived! The box he came in is really, really nice:

The face design is wonderful, it’s very encouraging to see how much they’ve listened to customer feedback on the new line.

Next week the others should be arriving, I’m very excited about that.

๐ŸŒˆ Tuesday ๐ŸŒˆ

On Tuesday I placed an order for some items I want to bring during the (sometimes quite long) car rides that happen every weekend. My husband and our partner always sit in the front, so I’m a bit bored in the back seat. I do love the seating arrangement, as it makes me feel very small and happy. It definitely appeals to my inner child. But I want to make it more fun and cozy to be there, and to that end, I ordered these things:

I also got a pink trash container (not pictured). The other things, as you can see, are a seatbelt cover (because it really digs into my shoulder sometimes) a lap desk for my iPad/coloring books/sketchbooks, etc, and an organizer with a little tray. You’ll see a bit further down how I used it.

On this day the little aliens or “soots” as Christopher calls them began popping up all over the house:

They are still being discovered ๐Ÿ˜

Also, two games arrived. The one I am most excited about is the collector’s edition of Rune Factory 5! And the other one is Grow: Song Of The Evertree.

๐ŸŒˆ Wednesday ๐ŸŒˆ

I can tell in retrospective that Wednesday is the day I started to get REALLY cranky from PMS. I think we were all cranky this week, and I feel that it is my own crankiness kinda being passed around like a cold, so I feel responsible. ๐Ÿ˜ž But good things happened anyway.

First, I have a very cute photo of Kotoko being harassed:

We went to a very flat and blah park on this day. It did have an interesting rock formation, so at least I took a photo of that:

The park was otherwise boring and not one I want to return to. But this was the first time our partner made an attempt at running since hurting his ankle so badly, and the fact that he could do it without issues was a major highlight of the day as it had been a lingering worry all this time.

In the evening, I felt too crappy to make dinner, so I whined my way into having another Happy Meal while the Mario Kart toys are still available, and this was provided, in spite of me being such a pain in the ass this week. It cheered me up a lot.

For the toy, I got Peach!

๐ŸŒˆ Thursday ๐ŸŒˆ

Thursday I went on my longest walk of the week. I walked for about three and a half hours. Here’s a squirrel I saw on the way to Walmart:

On the way back, it had started to sprinkle. These crows were eager to drink the drops, and stood with their beaks open and heads upturned:

I got a few things at Walmart. A black dress, a Yu Yu Hakusho shirt for me and a Cowboy Bebop one for Christopher (Walmart is getting to be really good for anime shirts) some bows, a new blanket and a Turning Red blind box:

I was hoping to get Mei’s panda form but I got this… oh well lol.

After I got home we went out to dinner and then to a huge liquor store to get wine for tomorrow.

๐ŸŒˆ Friday ๐ŸŒˆ

Friday evening was really nice! It was the long awaited Kirby release day. As soon as Christopher got home, I had a spread of snacks and wine and his coffee all set up.

It was just him and our partner playing co-opt while I watched and drank my entire bottle of wine, but that suited me fine!

Rosie joined us:

The game was my mom’s birthday present for Christopher. He really liked it.

Once they were done playing and my bottle of wine was totally polished off, I went to drunkenly make dinner. I made way too much and destroyed the kitchen in the process, but it was pretty good:

๐ŸŒˆ Saturday ๐ŸŒˆ

Saturday was our weekly adventure day, and a LOT of fun! I got to use my new little setup for the first time. Now I can play my Switch without getting car sick:

You can’t see it here, but my little pink trash can hangs from the other seat. I also have a colorful pillow and my blanket in the back seat, and a coloring book in the pocket of the passenger seat. It feels very cozy.

The first stop was lunch. I had a hot dog. Christopher even went to the car to get Mignon for me so I could take this picture. When he does little things like that for me it makes me so happy.

Next stop was a record store, where Christopher bought me this World Of Warcraft soundtrack CD and Free To Be You And Me vinyl record:

We walked around a sorta ritzy but pretty dead mall. It made for some nice liminal pictures:

After that we went to Barnes & Noble. It was a particularly nice B&N, with TONS of toys. I bought this book while we were there:

As a lover of their Seekers bear series, I was very excited to find another Erin Hunter series about bears. But when I began to flip through it, after purchase, I noticed a vibe that was much more Warriors than Seekers. I guess we will see.

When he and my husband came back to find me, our partner had a little flower for me. I later gave the flower to Mignon. Unfortunately for my bunny, the flower had multiple ant residents, which then became residents of Mignon.

After the bookstore we went to a wonderful vintage toy store. I was too tired by this point to get pics, though.

At home I had an early dinner with Mignon and played a bit more of the Code Realize fandisc.

Mignon got into the cookies…

Overall a pleasant and happy Saturday. Today ended up being super stressful though, since our entire house is being repainted. The painters are coming tomorrow, so today was dedicated to moving anything that can be in their way. I also spent hours working on my bookkeeping, for taxes, had cramps all day, and this week I have an appointment with the social security office and I have to pack to visit my mom for her birthday.

It was a cranky and tiring day for the three of us and I guess this coming week may be a bit stressful still. So art may be slower and I may be quieter overall. Please bear with me.

I’ll see you next week with another weekly summary post, or maybe sooner if I can manage to sneak a post in!

Visiting Dagny Johnson Key Largo Hammock Botanical State Park

Today was our sorta-weekly Adventure Day! We went to Dagny Johnson Key Largo Hammock Botanical State Park. I liked this park a lot more than I expected from the photos I saw online. And it was really empty, which was lovely and peaceful.

Parks generally make me feel very small, so I tend to wear my kiddy outfits when I go. I took my froggy backpack and wore one of my favorite shortalls, and an ODU print that I like a lot.

I brought one of my stuffies today too, Gumdrop. I managed to make him a bandana before we left the house. Sometime next week I’ll get him some pins for it so it’s not so plain.

We got Starbucks on the way, since it was quite a long ride to the sandwich place where we would have lunch in Downtown Miami. And I had one of my cute snack holders with strawberry and cream gummies that I bought at The Fresh Market.

I had a breakfast sandwich for lunch. It had chorizo and cilantro and lots of cheese. I couldn’t finish it, but it was great!

I was actually a bit upset when I realized where we’d be having lunch. The last time I ate at this place was some three years ago, during one of the worst times of my life, and the experience of that entire day, and the meal itself, was a really bad memory. I felt like I just did not want to be again at a place where I had been so deeply unhappy and trying not to cry through my meal back on that awful day.

But in the end, I’m glad we did eat here, because now the bad memory is pushed away by a much happier one, and I’m looking forward to eating there again. It’s a nice place other than the music being super loud all the time.

๐ŸŒณ At The Park ๐ŸŒณ

Cars couldn’t go into this part at all. You just parked in the little available area at the entrance. There was a place to pay for entrance, you just left the money there, as there was no one to monitor who came or went.

There were a couple of bodies of water which were very pretty and calm.

Gumdrop had fun exploring some rock formations. He even did some cave exploring!

Just some random pretty pictures…

CW: SPIDER

We didn’t see much wildlife, other than lots of tiny lizards, a random snake, some orb weavers, a beautiful big butterfly, and a tree snail. Oh, and a wild chicken. I guess we did see some stuff. Here’s one of the spiders:

I was out of my mind excited to finally see a Florida tree snail in the wild!

Oh and wasps. WASPS EVERYWHERE. I’d never seen so many in one single park. It was a little scary. I spotted three nests I believe.

I tended to walk a bit ahead or behind, just taking pictures of things. Christopher had my umbrella to shield himself from the sun, and it made things extra colorful.

All the other random photos of Gumdrop enjoying nature:

This is a trail that we really wanted to explore. But it was closed due to debris, so we just stared from a distance… ๐Ÿ˜ž

I will now take a brief intermission to show you Tomoyo’s attempt to contribute while I work on this post:

Moving on…

On the other side of the park there was a stone wall that looked like something out of a fairy tale. Like it would lead you to some secret garden. In the end I only took this couple of pictures.

It was very cool looking! After a couple of hours we headed home, passing first by Wawa for snacks and drinks. Then it was a lovely evening at home, just relaxing after our fun day out. I can’t wait for next time. I’ll never get tired of park outings!

A Happy Saturday ๐ŸŒท๐ŸŽƒ๐Ÿ‚๐ŸฆŠ

I had a wonderful Saturday! I hardly know where to begin. One of the best things that happened is that the friend I had a sleepover with a while ago reconnected with me. It turned out she wasn’t ghosting me after all, but dealing with some serious issues. She really had had a lovely time during our visit just as I did. So we are trying again.

On this same day, I was seeing my other friend. And I just couldn’t get into a good, happy headspace because a part of me was still so sad about my other friend just disappearing. It’s hard to keep opening up when that happens. But right before I was due to meet with Mandie, Shelly showed up at the door and she had a little flower to give me and explained everything to me and wanted to try again and I was so happy I had to try so hard not to cry. Later I gave the flower to Mojito:

Shelly had to go back to work after that, but next time she, Mandie and I are all going to hang out together and have lots of fun. I can’t wait! But now let me tell you about the rest of the day.

After that I was basically walking on air as I got ready and my happy mood came rolling back. I also got Apple Juice ready in a proper seasonal outfit, as he was my companion for the day:

I also dressed up in a Halloweeny outfit for the first time this year:

Soon after I got ready Mandie arrived. Mandie’s outfit was super cute, I’m kicking myself for not taking a picture. Mandie brought her little bear, Trixie. I held them both on my lap for a photo:

Even though they were almost closing, we went to Flamingo Road Nursery. We had time for several cute photos, got a bunch of yummy snacks (like honey sticks, popcorn and pumpkin-shaped cake pops) and we picked some pumpkins too:

After that we just went around town being obnoxious. We went to Dollar Tree and to Starbucks and to Publix for wine. We got Happy Meals and then we went back to the house. There, Christopher had The Nightmare Before Christmas ready to play so as soon as we got there, we sat down to watch it.

Of course, we had our wine in sippy cups…

I was hoping to offer Mandie one of my Halloween sippy cups but they were still in storage.

To my delight, Mandie stayed the night. But I’ve been getting up so early that I was ready to pass out BEFORE 10pm which is like, unbelievably lame. Mandie was a good sport about it. Tomorrow I’m going to decorate the house while she keeps me company.

It’s really been a wonderful day and I hope we have many more like it. ๐ŸŽƒ๐Ÿ’• I’m really happy!

IKEA Outing ๐Ÿ’›๐Ÿ’™โœจ

Hi hi, everyone! ๐Ÿ‘‹ Yesterday was pretty fun. After breakfast, some house chores and yard work, Christopher and I picked up our friend and the three of us went to IKEA. I brought Anise with me and put together a new outfit!

We had swedish meatballs and such for lunch and then walked around. I found some wild snail art on a fridge!

My main goal for this outing was to measure some bunk beds, see them in person, and decide which one I’m going to put in my studio. In the end, I settled for this one:

The upper area will be mostly for my stuffed animals, except in cases where I really need to have someone there. But that will not be its primary purpose. Anyway, it was out of stock, which I expected. It should be coming back later this month.

Totally unrelated but one of the Bluey showrunners or something (verified account) liked one of my tweets with a Bluey plush and a freaking ODU ONESIE on it and I had a moment of both glee and utter panic:

I was happy and also had an urge to block him out of sheer panic. It was like โ€œHe noticed me!!โ€ ๐Ÿ˜€ โ€œNOOO PLEASE DON’T NOTICE MY CRINGEโ€ ๐Ÿ˜ฑ

Anyhow, that’s it for today. I did also gets plenty more commission progress done. Hopefully my goals of posting all overdue work this week can be reached! Goodnight, everyone.

Iso Storytime 8/6 ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ“š

I worked really hard today. Got a massive amount of commission progress underway! I was able to finish all my chores and artwork in time for Isolation Storytime. After having so much fun during my first event I was very excited for today’s.

Already I had my area all prepped in the afternoon! This time I got ready in the library. I think this will be my place for it going forward.

And hereโ€™s my little table for coloring with both of my fancy sharpeners and aaaall of my crayon boxes! Though not all are visible here I supposeโ€ฆ ๐Ÿค” My big pink case was still in the other room.

Bluey helped me pick my outfit for the evening! I chose one of my own designs that I created for ODU, the Dino Nuggies pattern!

It was very fitting given my dinner…

Tonight was the night I picked to open all of my Bluey toys at once! So I had those in that area as well.

I had fun opening and posing them while listening to stories.

My favorite parts were the afterparty (well, the little bit I stayed forโ€ฆ I was tired) and the reading of Danger Moose and Bunny Boyโ€ฆ and Mavisโ€™ singing โ€œImagineโ€. Iโ€™m really happy that I have this to look forward to every week. I did some more crayoning too!

I hope to finish it this weekend, so I can start another, but it’s also really important that I get all commissions to the line art stage before Monday. I want all the overdue work to be done before next weekend, and so far, I’m doing well.

I’m not sure if I’ll attend the next Iso Storytime because next Friday is the Evangelion release… but I’ll definitely attend the Friday after that!

Anyway… it’s sooo late… well past my bedtime. Goodnight, everyone…

LAN Time!! ๐ŸŽฎ๐ŸŒˆโœจ

Today is the first day of the LAN! I was up early to head to Gamestop about an hour and a half before opening. I promised Christopher I would do whatever it took to get his Skyward Sword joy-cons. I was first in line!

They only had eight. I was able to get one! Later in the day, the game, which he pre-ordered, arrived too:

After I got home I spent the rest of the day prepping. Finally right before everyone arrived I changed into my usual “first day of LAN” outfit:

Grogu was my little LAN companion. He has a necklace now –I’ll post a photo of that later.

A little later people began to arrive and soon things were quite busy. I accompanied our friend Ezequiel to get cider and he got me an early birthday present, Monster Hunter Stories 2: Wings Of Ruin! ๐Ÿ˜

Buuuut… for now, I have something much more important to play first… ๐Ÿ˜

๐ŸŒˆ Back To Domina ๐ŸŒˆ

As you all known I’m beyond excited about finally getting my hands on my Collector’s Edition copy of the remastered Legend of Mana for the Nintendo Switch.

Originally a PS1 game, it is one of the most important games in my life and one of those media experiences that was life-changing: like a good book, there is a time before and after Legend of Mana in my life. To be able to return to this world in HD is simply beyond amazing.

Everything from the art, to the music (most of all the music) is sublime and gives me chills. The moment when you place down the mailbox and the music begins I just truly feel like I’m home.

The story is kind of all over the place, still, I love it just the way it is.

The Sproutling’s description of how you create the world from your imagination is very “Neverending Story” to me (which also happens to be my favorite book.)

Domina exists once again!

But before I actually ventured into town, I went back to visit Li’l Cactus, one of my (and many people’s) fondest memories about this game:

Part of my reason to love Li’l Cactus so much as that growing up we had a cactus exactly like this one. Well, it didn’t have a face or keep a diary, but you know what I mean. ๐Ÿ˜… It bloomed once a year, I think for just one night.

Li’l Cactus, as his bio points out, is of few words. But he will write at length in his diary, as long as you go and talk to him after each adventure you have. It’s a pointless and adorable concept.

I didn’t get to record that bit, but after the above, he hops out of the pot and goes to write on those hanging leaves on the wood beam.

Here’s examples of his diary entries:

Then I did go to Domina, eager to see my favorite character not just of this game, but any and all games I’ve ever played:

I wondered in the back of my mind, why did I like him so much? I was soon reminded. Lol.

Add all of that to his uber-protective streak and he’s irresistible. ๐Ÿ˜

Every character in this game is delightful. There’s funny things and hilarious bits of dialogue all over the place. Repeatedly talking to characters is rewarded.

The first boss! I remember shitting a brick when his massive shape filled my TV screen!

The nice thing about LoM is that, while it has an overarching story (…I think?) it’s comprised of many little ones. So you feel a quick boost of accomplishment time and time again.

With Elazul and Pearl’s first quest complete, it’s time to meet another two favorites once again –Bud and Lisa:

I remember that the first time (just as this time!) I felt terribly having to defeat them, especially poor Lisa…

But, Bud is so thrilled by your might that he begs to become your apprentice:

I’ve played further, but I’ll share that later. I wanted to at least share this bit for now. I really, really recommend this game. Especially to fellow Littles. It’s such a cute and colorful journey.

Happier Things ๐ŸŒˆ ๐ŸŒŒ ๐Ÿฆ–

Hi hi, everyone! After writing a long entry for therapeutic purposes that I didn’t make public (it was a bit too personal, and I don’t think I can ever feel sure my blog is no longer being stalked) I’m feeling a lot better. I hadn’t been doing too well, and getting some of those negative thoughts down helped a lot.

I did a bunch of kiddy-related shopping, nothing too crazy or expensive, just stuff that made me happy.

For starters I’d been trying to decide what to use for my studio bedding. After finding a very affordable Mandalorian set (around $30, pretty good considering I’ve seen it go for $70), I decided to go for it. I picked it not just because Grogu is a big source of feels for me, but also because it reminds me of my sis-in-law and that makes me happy:

When I went to Target to pick it up (I’d ordered the last in-store one online) I grabbed a few other cute things. A kinda-sorta storage thingy with a space theme, a composition book with a space theme too, a rainbow plate, a little dinosaur that can chomp onto things and hold on, and a Little Critter book (well, two).

I originally bought the Little Critter book for scrapbooking but that particular story ended up hitting so many personal (kinda sad) buttons that I bought a second copy to keep intact. Some aspects of it reminded me of feeling abandoned by a friend before (although in the book, Critter only feels that way, he isn’t actually –however his pain is so visceral and relatable. It’s very well written for a picture book.) Other parts reminded me of places my brain went to during the last trip when plans didn’t go as I hoped and dreamed. Basically it pushed a lot of buttons, I like this book a lot.

Here’s my little monching velociraptor:

I went on one more outing today after our friends’ baby shower. It was the first baby shower I attended where I played typical baby shower games, it was fun. But anyway I went to Dollar Tree after that and got everything you see here, didn’t spend too much at all. The greeting cards, books, and coloring books, as well as the Sesame Street flash cards, are all for scrapbooking. I also got some new crayons, a comic book, a MLP pencil pouch, a mini trash can for my desk and two new cups. The Simba & Nala one I plan to offer for Mwako to use during his upcoming visit. ^_^ I also have a baby lion plate that I keep just for him.

After getting home and taking the pics I had a wonderful snack with Mash:

In the afternoon, for the first time in AGES, I allowed myself a kiddy activity. I worked on the cover of my new journal:

Finally, prompted partly by the catharsis of my private blog entry, and by these indulgent activities putting me in a better frame of mind, I reached out to my super-sweet local friend whom I’ve neglected –still really just an acquaintance, because, due to my fears and baggage, I’ve been afraid to get closer. But I decided to make plans again. We should be having a sleepover just the two of us soonish, hopefully during the LAN. I’m really excited. ๐Ÿ˜Š

There was one closing happy touch to my day when a lovely package from ODU arrived with my long-awaited Pupperoni Pizza onesie! It’s such a good design, I can’t wait to wear it:

I guess that’s it for my kiddy stuff of today! If you follow me on Twitter you’ve already seen most of this stuff, but I hope you enjoyed the post anyways. It’s time for me to make dinner! It’s sausage ravioli.

Happy Monday, Friends! โค๏ธ๐Ÿงธ

Hello, everyone! I hope you had a happy day. Mine was alright. I caught up on the warm-ups, read some manga, took care of the snails, was able to track my food and such today (which I’ve been struggling to get back on the wagon with) and went on a walk. I hadn’t tried to dress cute at home for a while, but today I did:

We had milanesas for dinner. My mom prepped them and gave them to me frozen, so I just had to fry them. They were great, but I think we’ve had enough milanesas for a while. I need to cook something I haven’t made in a bit.

I’m pretty excited because Christopher bought me an exercise bike. It’s not super fancy but it ought to do the trick now that the really intense heat and rainy season begins. It’ll be here on Sunday.

The deal is that I have to use it three times a week for a whole year or I have to return it/sell it/donate it. But I already exercise almost every day so, I think I can do it. ๐Ÿ˜

In other news, in less than two hours we will have been married a whole five years. We already celebrated it so it really feels like a normal day which I do not mind. It was a wonderful early celebration. I really feel like the day already passed, so it’s a little odd, almost. ๐Ÿค”

Anyway not much else to say… I have to get ready for bed. I am tired and still so busy. It’ll be a busy week. I hope everyone reading this has a great night!

Thursday Recap ๐Ÿšฒ๐Ÿฆ†๐Ÿ›

Yesterday I received the Limited Edition of Code Realize: Wintertide Miracles!

Iโ€™m super excited to play it, but believe it or not Iโ€™m gonna wait until Christmas. Itโ€™s a seasonal game and I feel Iโ€™ll enjoy it ever so much more.

I also discovered a new bike trail. It was very enjoyable and I plan to go on it again.

During my ride, I saw a mother duck with her ducklings…

I was even able to get a little video:

Something else that happened is, while I was heating my leftovers for lunch, I saw a very distressed earthworm doing jumps on the hot concrete of our screened-in porch. I carefully picked him up by moving him onto some damp paper and removed some of the hairs heโ€™d gotten tangled in. Then I put him in a container with nutrient rich soil, some food scraps, and coffee grounds.

I think he was just so cute. You can see his little mouth at the end of this video:

Iโ€™m not sure if heโ€™s going to survive, honestly. But Iโ€™ll do my best to look after him. As of today, he’d buried himself deep in the soil. If he starts to do better, I’ll buy a bag of worm feed. I’ve named him Spaghetti.

Something else that came yesterday is a package from ODU! It’s the Pupcakes and Mac ‘n Cheese designs. I love them!

I’m wearing one today after I shower, but haven’t decided which just yet. Maybe Pupcakes.

I also have a GigaPets T. rex now. But, I’ve yet to play with it:

My mom in law is coming to visit today so I have lots to do… I’ll end this post here. I hope everyone has a wonderful day!

Hi Hi, Time For An Update! ๐ŸŒˆโœจ

Hello, everyone! I havenโ€™t been terrible active on the blog (art aside) because Iโ€™ve just been working tons. I’m going to try to catch up on a few things so this post will be all over the place.

This is unrelated to everything else I’ll discuss on this post, so here is a Little outfit I wore the other day:

I have a few new skirtalls coming, so I’m pretty excited to create new outfits with these:

I finally paid off my PayPal Credit account and closed it (I may already have mentioned that) and a few days ago my last Amazon Card payment cleared so that account is zeroed again –well, until next Christmas. It was a big one, over $400, so I am very pleased.

I also set a little money aside and redecorated the kitchen with it:

This may not look like much, but in seven years I never really did put work into the kitchen, so it was important to me. The most significant things are the new trash can (which is motion activated) and the Instant Pot.

In addition to that, Iโ€™ve made good strides on my next goal of paying an old debt. Itโ€™s the last thing I have to pay before I can begin the fund to move my mom in with us. I wanted something to encourage me, so I put this neat lightbox on the studio wall:

Itโ€™s still a big number (but less as of writing this post, actually $3,950) but I paid a big chunk in just over a few days, so my expectation is that as long as I make this my primary goal, I might be done by June. And then I can begin saving the $10,000 I need to move my mom with us (not counting the money I’ll have to save to renovate the room for her, but I expect that to be under $1,000.)

So, about all that. Recently, Iโ€™ve been contemplating the entirety of last year, how much closer Iโ€™ve grown to my mom during our long Zoom calls, which regularly lead us into conversations deeper than weโ€™d have when we were living together. How Iโ€™ve changed, and how sheโ€™s come to accept those changes in me. And other things… like how tired she looks โ€”more and more every day. How even on her days off, she gets constant stressful calls even during the couple of hours we set aside to talk. Itโ€™s been so long since my mom had free time for any fun. I donโ€™t even remember when it last happened, Christmas aside.

Then thereโ€™s the pandemic, the utter helplessness Iโ€™ve felt as she continues to manage a gas station in this situation at her age… her landlord continually bringing people to see the apartment which he has been trying to sell for years (so we never know when heโ€™s kicking her out once each contract ends. Every yearly contract could be the last he gives her, and every time he raises her rent.)

But I think it was having her for Christmas, just her and I, that really cemented it for me. It was the first such Christmas in many years, and I realized just how much my assumed role has changed. How I want to cook for her and care for her, keep her safe, comfortable and happy. I enjoy my life so much, literally every day of my life is a dream, and were it not for all she sacrificed so we could be here, Christopher and I never would have met.

There’s something that has been eating at me more and more. I think Grandpa’s recent passing reinforced it too. When my mom and I left Argentina, we always hoped that if only we were patient, and worked hard, someday we would see my Grandma again. Actually, the goal was for her to move with us. But time passed without any possibility of this happening, let alone seeing her at all. Same with my dad. Patience, patience. The day would surely come.

But it didn’t. My Grandma died of leukemia in her 70s. My dad died of emphysema in his early 80s. I was 18 years old when I last got to see them.

And now my mom is in her late 60s. In four years, she will be 70 years old. How much time do I have with her? Hopefully, a good number of years still –but how much time I am okay losing until I can enjoy days with her while she still has her health?

I want to have breakfast in the morning with her, and to have dinner the three of us in the evening, and maybe play games the three of us together once her brain remembers how to do something other than work and stress 24/7. I want to go on walks together and have mate in the afternoons.

But most of all, more than anything in the world, I want her to wake up and not dread the day. I want her to think โ€œI have nothing to do today. Nothing to clean. Nothing to cook. No stressful, dangerous job to go to.โ€ I donโ€™t think my mom has ever felt that since she was little. I want her to enjoy her life. And I want to learn to drive so I can take her places. I want to take her to dinner once in a while, something that used to be a once-a-year luxury for us… I want to binge watch tv shows with her, or go to a movie and not have her fall asleep halfway because her body and mind are so utterly and constantly exhausted.

I want her to be able to pick the colors for her room, to furnish it with new furniture that she actually likes and isnโ€™t used or the cheapest thing she could afford.

And I know I may not always manage it with my art, and taking some “real” work may be necessary, but all that I can manage to do with the money my artwork brings is an extra source of pride. Of course I couldnโ€™t do that without Christopher. He takes care of me after all. But if I can, in turn, use my art to take care of her and of my business expenses, Iโ€™ll feel like I am succeeding.

I don’t know why, but all of a sudden I have a great desire to be reliable, even if it takes me time and effort to become someone that can be described as such. Because of this, cooking is becoming more important to me, as well, and I’m trying really hard to learn. Paying my debts feels important. Looking after our house and after my husband, properly, feels even more important than before. Asking for help less and less becomes more important too.

I want them both to feel proud of me, to feel lucky to have me as a wife and daughter, rather than a โ€œwell, it could be worse.โ€ But above all I want to believe that they are โ€”lucky, that isโ€” as I am to have them. So, I’m trying as hard as I can.

I know, deep inside, that part of what planted the seed for this was seeing my own reprehensible behavior and lack of responsibility to others reflected in someone else. In being disgusted by seeing that reflection, I also became angry with myself. It’s all well and good to look down on someone for being irresponsible and self-centered, but incredibly hypocritical when you are better than that only by some small measure. I knew I didn’t want to be that way, not anymore and not ever again.

So, now, my debt is my priority. And I want the people who love me and look after me to be my priority, rather than always my own self-centered ass. I want to be a source of comfort, not worry.

Anyway, are you all getting ready for Valentine’s Day? I’m working on a small surprise for Christopher but it’s terribly hard and I truly do not know if it will be ruined before I am done. For all the effort put into it, it looks more than a little clumsy (so far.) I’m hoping it will come together once it’s done. I’m working a little bit on it every day, because it’s really tiring.

That aside, believe it or not I’ve been writing (I’d say the next chapter of Meganeea is 80% done, illustrations included, and the chapter after that has the same level of progress in both aspects.) And somehow, in between hours and hours of illustration work, I’ve managed to sneak in a little gaming and reading. But I’ll save that for future posts. It may take a while… this blog is hugely important to me and that will not change. I’m just trying to be as responsible as possible and get my work done.

I guess I’ll end this here, go do the laundry, and then draw some more before it’s time to make dinner. I hope things are going great with everyone!