Tag Archives: Vent

JUST WALK OUT: you can leave!!

…except, of course, when you can’t.

I’m sure you have seen the (pretty wholesome) meme I am referencing above. It’s very popular on Twitter, a reminder of the constant dread and anxiety shared by everyone using the site. Twitter is absolutely horrible, yet we feel like we can’t step away, to the point its users constantly remind themselves and each other that YES, you can leave the site, just log off, it’s okay. Sometimes nicely (as in this meme) and sometimes harshly (go touch grass/you’re terminally online/etc).

But few of us do. When we do, we come back rejuvenated, singing the praises of having touched said grass for a few hours, or read a book, or walked the dog. We feel so much better! So why are we back? Above all, connection. Or work. Or both.

Recently I had another upsetting event, barely so if I’m honest, considering what I used to deal with. Yet it sent me in a terrible spiral. I spent hours muting words, until I hit the Twitter mute word limit (didn’t know there was such a thing).

When I was done, I felt no better. Instead all I had was the horrible nagging need to wipe my existence off of Twitter AGAIN, except now I know for a fact that if I do it, that is it. There is no more making a living from my art.

I know everyone is tired of these gripes. It’s always the same. I’m really sorry. It’s just that this site is hurting me. No matter what I do, how many hours a day I block it. It’s hurting me.

A couple of years ago I deleted Twitter entirely, wiped all my accounts, and I felt so much better. I had a lot less work though and that sucked. But my brain worked better. I got better. I legitimately do not know what to do.

I want to be able to keep drawing. I hope I figure something out eventually.

Rollercoaster 🎢😢

The last couple of weeks have been rough. Heck, the last month has, but especially the last few days. It seems like every other day something happens to send me into a deep spiral of emotional turmoil, and I hardly recover from one before it happens again.

My computer dying was one of the recent things. Thankfully my husband fixed it, generously covered the cost of a new motherboard and processor and even moved everything just as it was (Windows install and all) so nothing at all is different. Drivers etc everything is just as before except of course for the things that are no longer part of my computer. We removed associated software and added what actually was needed, as well as moved the Windows license, and I had to log in again to a few services (Steam, Adobe, iCloud, that’s mostly it).

A lot of the recent stuff that happened (cruise, COVID, iPad dying, computer dying, extended friend visits) left only small pockets of time to work on art, so a lot of my stuff is currently a bit delayed. I can’t emphasize how much of a difference my commissioner’s patience makes. But even so, knowing people are waiting longer than they should have makes me unhappy. I’m hoping that life can just… calm down. I need some normal downtime when nothing is happening but art.

There’s also just been stuff that is too personal to get into. With me being someone who talks about so much private stuff you know that it is rare for me to say anything is “too personal to talk about”. But recently, some stuff just is, and it is stuff that does affect me very intensely as far as emotions and mental well-being.

So I’ve had some high highs, but also some deeply crushing lows recently and I kinda keep those private so people mostly don’t know, not even close friends.

A TL,DR would be: for a variety of reasons, I really haven’t been okay at times. I’m also pretty confident that everything is going to BE okay. Sometimes life has conflict. Sometimes some stuff just takes a 💩. But I admit I did have times, recently, when I felt completely hopeless and unhappy regarding certain things. And I don’t think this feeling is just gone, I think it’s going to be coming back and worrying me for a while.

I think I’m on an upswing again, and I’m trying my hardest to be a positive force in my own life towards fixing those things that are negatives. Fix what I can and accept what I can’t. I’m trying. If I could, I would probably seek counseling to better handle the things that upset me.

With that said, between my mental state and everything else that has been going on, it’s certainly affected my artistic output. But I have never stopped working on art. I know no one has complained, but I still feel a need to both apologize and reassure.

Ultimately 70% of the reason behind my slowdown has been technical (related to my equipment/getting used to new equipment) I’m pretty good at pushing through my work even when I’m not emotionally okay. With both my iPad and computer being now new or basically the equivalent of new, hopefully that is the end of those slowdowns.

The rest has been related to family/friends/travel, and the last big event on that front is Mwako visiting me again soon. Once that visit has passed, I should be working at a normal pace again for the foreseeable future.

I should add (as I’ve mentioned before) that if you see updates on my blog slow down to a crawl it usually means I’m not okay. It’s just that I no longer vomit all of my depression and personal grievances quite in the same manner I used to all over social media. I don’t want to use Twitter or my followers as a dumping ground for mental health issues and constant negativity. Constant rants and toxic vents rightfully drive people away, and some years ago I made a conscious decision to stop being that kind of person, because when others did that, it affected my own mental health.

I guess this also makes it a little harder to know if I’m ok or not. So, once in a while, I do a little check-in if this sort. I’m here, I’m working through some stuff. Please continue to bear with me.

Habits And Struggles

I’m typing this on my Alphasmart Neo. It’s been a while since I used this thing, and the keys don’t feel quite as clicky as I remember them. Maybe, like me, it’s feeling its age. It’s also possible that they never were that clicky to begin with… my mechanical keyboards may have spoiled me. Anyways…

I am typing on this because I am away from screens when using it (though of course, I am on a screen again as I post it a number of hours later on my blog, where you are now reading it). It is a rest for my eyes to work on this little machine, and a respite for my brain.

I have to admit that lately, I am not doing so well.

It started gradually, and predictably, when I grudgingly remade my Twitter accounts, and even my Instagram. I had to do this, because by staying on FA alone, I could no longer get enough commission work. Once back on Twitter, I ran a few polls, and it was evident that most furry commission work happened via Twitter, while as I’d observed, commercial and book illustration seemed to favor Instagram. It felt like a curse returned. I could not make a living on art and break free of these services that I had grown to hate so deeply. And I do. I think most of you who have followed me for longer than a year know by now how deep that animosity goes.

I thus attempted to offer my work in these platforms without having to engage beyond what was needed: follow no one, “like” no content. Reply only to people engaging with my work. Basically, do the bare minimum. And in fact, long ago this might have worked. There was a sweet spot where if you did not follow or interact, your growth would be slowed significantly, but not be completely stalled. These days though, without such constant interaction, Twitter will very purposely hide you. Not quite like shadowbanning, but perhaps not far from it in practical terms.

Twitter is so intense in forcing you to interact, that I get an average of 10 “recommended tweet” notifications to each of my five accounts if I don’t make an effort to create and/or interact with content in all of them daily. There is no good way of turning this off permanently.

So, with no obvious alternative and much to my chagrin, I did begin to follow other accounts. By compartmentalizing my content in five very different accounts geared towards specific audiences, I was able to somewhat reduce my exposure to toxicity. I forced myself to interact here and there. But in spite of everything that I tried to do to prevent it, before I knew it, the sense of addiction, of constantly refreshing to seek validation, the dread of reading my feed and consuming its ever-more-toxic content, it was all back.

The difference is that escape no longer feels easy or feasible, as it did on that freeing day a couple of years ago when I wiped all of my accounts. I am aware now that the bulk of my work, if it comes, will come from Twitter. And that if I don’t interact to some degree, Twitter will hide me. If Twitter hides me, I will sell little to nothing. Gradually, this is making my dream of making art for a living feel much less like my dream. My job is inescapably on Twitter, and working on Twitter was never my dream. But I don’t know what the solution is.

Moreover, it’s not just about my work. The following is a rehash of something you’ve seen me write a million times, but it rings true still: I feel isolated from my community.

When I first joined FA over ten years ago, the sense of small, strong community support and interaction lifted me up at a time of my life when I was so deeply lonely, that I sometimes cried myself to sleep. The fandom is made up of many small clusters and groups: I just happened to find one of them. Even my own subcommunity is made of these smaller clusters, so it’s not like I’m saying the fandom is dead/ruined or anything like that. I did say things like that before, now I think this is nonsense. It’s just my own “cluster” that has changed beyond recognition. And in the current zeitgeist, I no longer feel a cluster where I am “home” exists.

When it comes to the fandom, I very much present a completely different front depending on who I am speaking to. Very few people in the fandom (perhaps two or three, if that many) know me as myself. Maybe that’s normal. But way back in my early days, I did truly feel like I was being myself to everyone I met. This is very much no longer the case. I don’t remember exactly when it changed; I suppose it was gradual. Incredibly, I feel almost as isolated now as I did in my childhood days, something I never thought would happen after discovering the fandom, and while still being part of it.

I think I’ve expressed this before, though likely less strongly, but I hate the Internet. I used to love it, at least in the first form I experienced. Possibly many of you reading this were born after the Internet that I loved ceased to exist.

To me, the Internet of those days (mid to late 90’s and early 2000’s) was a place to pop in for maybe an hour or two once a day for a little fun and connection with strangers, all of which, it felt like to me, were potential friends. It was not life-encompassing. You did not carry it in your pocket. Life and its possibilities were still all mostly offline, and this made everything feel more solid, more real, and the Internet more like TV, something you’d turn on for a bit every day, but that was it (at least, so it was to me).

You got some emails (which you probably didn’t even check every single day) and maybe that was exciting. You wrote on your Livejournal, or your MySpace (that was the very, very tail end of the Internet I loved). In what were my earliest days, you found a topic you liked and went from page to page on a Webring, because it was the best way to find the niche content you were interested in. Going from page to page was a completely and almost always pleasant surprise.

Websites had these little awards they gave to each other, think stuff like “Most Informative MLP Site” or “Coolest Rocketshipper Page” which they presented to one another out of sheer goodwill and for fun. They’d have link pages full of wonky banners on their topic of choice. Maybe you’d email the webmaster to tell them you liked their page and you’d make a new friend. Or you’d sign their guestbook.

In most of the interactions I had, politeness and friendliness was the assumed behavior. Even in forum disagreements, I generally saw politeness. It’s very likely that my own experience was insulated and limited, but when I talk with other people my age, they often describe similar experiences.

And the biggest difference to me was that, even though the Internet felt way, WAY smaller back then, the connections you made, the comments or replies you received, felt so much more meaningful and important.

But anyway, why, when and how it changed isn’t really the point. For me, it is no longer a refuge of any sort. It is a prison I cannot escape, not even when I leave my home. I fantasize a LOT about not having a smartphone. I feel that I need it, but I hate it. I hate that anyone can message me at any point. I miss having a stupid flip-phone, that sometimes I could not afford to pay and then no one could reach me, and you know what, it was okay. The world didn’t end.

That is impossible now. Payphones are no longer a thing, so if I have an emergency, I need my phone. People no longer have landlines, so if I want to talk to anyone, I need my cellphone. I depend on my phone for maps, for Ubers, and for my banking apps. I’ve removed so many features from my phone to make it as basic as possible. But it still feels like this ball and chain I must carry.

I’m not sure where I am going with this post. I haven’t been “well” mentally and even physically as a result of all I have written here, and needed to let it out somewhere. Maybe it will help me achieve some clarity.

The world has become a very unfriendly place, online and offline. Offline, making new acquaintances is harder than ever. Online, navigating a sea of toxicity and self-righteousness on one side and of hate, bigotry, and intolerance on the other, takes a lot out of me. Among all this, I must somehow sell my work, and maintain relationships. If I go completely offline, I make no money and feel deeply lonely and isolated. If I stay even somewhat online, the result is an ever present brain fog, an exhaustion and jaded feeling in regards to everyone and everything. Nothing feels good.

Moreover, the more I allow myself to be online, the harder it seems to be for my brain to function normally. I’ve lost a large amount of my ability to concentrate on anything for any long period of time. This always improves if I go mostly offline for a period of weeks to months, it is absolutely caused by having to be online, I’ve confirmed it repeatedly. But if I do that, the algorithms destroy me, and most acquaintances forget me, even some friends do, if only temporarily.

I do not say this with any form of resentment: there are people I love a lot, and yet I can go days or weeks without thinking about them very much if at all, if those same algorithms force them out of view. The online world is far too noisy. So much is happening all of the time. A brain can only keep track of so much information.

I don’t know what to do. I am not asking for anyone to give me a solution: trust me, you do not have one. I’ve been contemplating this quandary and trying a myriad of solutions for over half a decade.

But at least in the time I spent writing this, I was not online. So maybe I just need to tweak my blocks a little more here and there, optimize my time better, so I can be more present in my offline and offscreen activities.

Offscreen. That’s important, too. Reading was once the most important activity in my life. I used to read hundreds of pages in a single week. The problem is, I still do, but now it is all in the form of tweets and news articles. What place does that leave for books?

Unbelievably, I’ve given up (as in, donated) both of my drawing boards: these days, it is all iPad and watching YouTube while I work. It has been for years. Crime, science, history channels: I’ve half-watched hundreds of hours of them while pushing art piece after art piece. I remember almost nothing I have learned. I used to draw and ink traditionally, while listening to podcasts or to music. My eyes did not get tired anywhere near as much. I was more present. I was happier. I actually learned stuff.

I feel old. I miss my flip-phone. I miss my iPod Nano. I miss the Today page on the (very) old DeviantART. In a few days, I will be 39: perhaps this is some sort of midlife crisis.

I know I need to do something. Hopefully, perhaps, I will figure that something out. It is difficult to figure out what a happy place for me should look like, and what I will have to sacrifice to find it. Interaction with friends? My form of livelihood?

Something that I am fully aware of is that at any given time, I could pretty faithfully recreate the conditions I myself carried my everyday life in before. I cannot control how other people carry theirs, however. So if I do this, I will miss on things I like, that I got used to: being able to take commissions, conveniences like Google Maps, Uber and Spotify. Talking to friends. Heck, even keeping/having friends. I do have the Internet to thank for that.

But in exchange, it takes a really heavy toll on me. In exchange for friends, interaction and validation, I have lost the ability to be present, to concentrate. Maybe I’ll figure something out though. I have to keep trying.

Can’t Fix It

Lately I am not doing so well. It’s rare that I do proper vent art, it feels so wasteful and selfish, especially right now. Both for economic/time reasons and because anything that puts my own feelings into focus really seems terrible and makes me want to punch myself in the face. I considered making this post private, even (I certainly have posted vents privately before and never published them) but, I don’t want to feel so alone.

I’m a very emotional person, but on the other hand, I’m very solution-driven. I guess I was raised with a mentality that if you try hard enough you can help any situation or fix any problem that someone may be having, especially if you love them, especially if they have done it for you before. I feel like it’s my responsibility as a supportive friend, or partner. I need to be able to do this, otherwise I have failed in that most important responsibility.

Because of this, many times I have tried to “fix” pain or trauma in friends and loved ones that is not possible for me to fix. I keep trying to do it and feeling awful when I can’t. It’s presumptuous of me to even assume that I could.

And yet, I cannot convince myself that me trying harder, working harder, making more money, making the house nicer, buying fancy gifts, planning fun things, cooking special meals, just, being happier harder, isn’t going to fix it. I’ve been there. I know all of this is pointless, I know how it feels to have people try to force you to feel better. It sucks. The truth is that only patience can help, just, quiet, loving patience, but I am not good at the quiet part, or the patient part.

Standing idly while someone I love suffers, just feels like wilful inaction on my part, like I’m ignoring them, or not caring; it feels like abandonment. How do you stand idly by and continue greeting the day happily if the person who matters most to you can’t?

So, every morning, I try to think of what I can do that day to make things okay as fast as possible, or at least okay for that one day. I can’t accept that I can’t do anything at all, or that I can’t make it all better now. But I think that’s causing more grief than it does help. I understand this on a logical level, but my heart can’t accept it. So I just carry on with my day with an underlying quiet desperation and my brain still trying to come up with a magic solution for things that deep inside, I know only time can fix.

I know that from experience. I’ve been there. But I still can’t help it.

Insert Title Or Whatever

I’m not doing so good. I had a really bad night and a worse morning. My cramps are really bad… had a raging headache this morning. Emotionally I’m not doing so hot either, I never do when I’m on my period but I think today that may be putting it mildly. I just want to turn off all my feelings, hormonal or otherwise. I can never tell the difference between the two.

This is my only post today besides my fitness post, I just can’t be bothered. I’m going to try to get ready to go visit my mom tonight. At least I did get my walk in.

Frustrated Today

[RANT/VENT, feel free to ignore, I just need to let it out.]

Lately I haven’t really been myself. I’ve been dealing with intensely high “highs” and on the other hand some pretty deep lows (related to work, chores, the house, and such.) Work has me overwhelmed, the house has me overwhelmed, and on some days, even though it’s true that I have to draw because I need to complete commissions, I will have higher priority things that I should be doing (such as post-citizenship paperwork) yet I keep drawing from the moment I wake up until I go to bed because it’s just easier to draw and lose myself in it, not thinking about other stuff I have to do, or about anything else, really.

Over the last few days, I’ve been thinking and thinking trying to figure out what has been bothering me by priority level. By and large, it is my “to-do” list. Sometimes it’s really stupid things. I did figure out one of them, the primary one, I suppose.

Our porch is in horrendous shape again. Even when I spent two days cleaning it a few months ago, already multiple things in it were ruined, and that was depressing in its own right, but at least I cleaned the mold off. In this godforsaken state, anything you put outside is ruined by the sun, sometimes within weeks. But it rains so much, you get mold in spite of the sun —because of the humidity.

Last time, I cut myself on a plastic flowerpot that cracked to pieces in my hand due to sun exposure. And right now, in between the dirt and grime and mold, and everything breaking down in front of my eyes, every morning when I see the porch my mood is just kind of fouled for the rest of the day. It’s incredibly depressing. It’s so depressing that I don’t want to go out to water my plans and they are dying.

And you might say well, just clean it. And every once in a while I do, which with pressure cleaning and moving of so many things, takes me two days to do. I have to do it by myself. I’m not very strong nor do I have a lot of stamina. Even though every single time it gets this bad I get so depressed that it affects so much else in my life, it just means I feel even less motivation to do something about it.

If money wasn’t so tight right now, I would just hire someone. It’s too much for me to do alone (primarily the moving of things, and all the decorative rocks have to be cleaned too) and after doing it alone twice I don’t even want to have anything to do with it. I get this simultaneous anger and hopelessness about the entire stupid thing.

It’s just a porch, I don’t know why it affects me to this degree. Maybe because seeing it through the windows it ruins the entire house for me. But I know it does affect me. It happened just like this last time too, and I feel so much worse just writing about it, because I don’t want to do it any more than I did before I wrote this, but now I realize how much it has been affecting me, even more than I suspected. I literally start neglecting the rest of the house as a direct result. It’s a cascading effect.

So yeah. I don’t know. Either I hire someone (can’t, really… I haven’t even bought my walking shoes because I’m so desperate to continue saving money) or at some point I feel so absolutely and utterly miserable that I just do it and waste two days of my life.

I don’t usually feel this much worse after writing a post. Well, at least I know what’s been eating at me. It’s not the only thing, but this one is so major compared to the others that it’s kind of hilarious.

Also, some stuff has left me in such an amount of physical pain for freaking days now, that I don’t know what to do with myself, going on my walks sucks ass, walking up and down the stairs sucks ass, it hurts even trying to work or laying down, and I’m definitely not okay enough to handle the goddamn porch. Like I’m not actually complaining (much) but fuck.

Shit! I’m so cranky. I’m sorry. I don’t usually swear so much. I have multiple happy posts in my drafts that I haven’t worked on because I’ve been so miserable and just trying to keep it to myself for days. I’ve been neglecting friends, too. I thought I was doing well enough and instead I just vomit it all over the blog.

Maybe I will clean the damn thing. Can’t very well stay like this, it’s not good for me, but I just get so angry about it. I hate it. I’m in pain. I don’t want to do it. When I think of doing it I fucking hate my life. Stupid ass porch!!

It’s Monday, Let’s Do This… *weak fistpump* 😪✊

Good morning everyone. I overslept today… I am also just generally feeling a bit down. I suppose it is the “come down” from all my birthday fun, the knowledge of upcoming stressful stuff, and a looming sadness I still have in regards to a recent event that I’ve felt too awkward to talk about in detail.

The most I can say is that it has to do with my “kid side” and it’s part of why I’ve been pushing things away that make me feel small so hard during the last two or so weeks.

To put it in the simplest terms, after putting that side of me away for a long time, I took a dip, then a jump, into vulnerability once again. I am not really sure what happened –it may all be an unfortunate coincidence the details of which I do not know– but it ended up badly for me. I worried that I would completely hide that side away again, and it especially hurt to consider doing so after my inner child experienced a moment of such intense and utter happiness. It was a hard come-down.

So I bought a lot of toys/got lots of toys for my birthday and made a strong effort to nurture that side of me right after this happened, evidenced also by how much I’ve been talking about it, something I never did quite to this degree before. I dusted off my Fetlife profile and completely remade my page with the focus of making new friends, and even made the jump to attend Isolation Storytime, which I thought I’d lurk all throughout and instead had my camera on for as long as I stayed, which was almost the whole two hours. I really enjoyed that. I’m going to try to keep doing this, balanced with my normal “big” stuff. But I think it’s still going to be a while until I feel okay again.

In other things that have been screwing with my mental health, I’ve noticed that I’ve thrice fallen into Twitter discourse again, including at least two occasions where it was absolutely NONE of my damn business. I’m not sure what made me do it after so long, but it was very bad for me mentally.

Worst of all is seeing friends post stuff that make me feel more and more disconnected from them. Twitter literally has weakened friendships for me because I feel much less safe around some people, including some people I once felt close to. Then again, it’s not like that was/is the only factor in those cases.

I ended up making a (Twitter) list where I follow a ton of people (including plenty of people I don’t like or support) and this way I get a feel for the current community zeitgeist and what my friends are doing and/or how they are reacting to community goings-on. It is conductive to feeling less isolated but also more depressed, because so much about the community is just kinda terrible these days.

I can only access the list from the Twitter app, since on the computer, all of that stuff remains blocked with my Cold Turkey Blocker app. Lately I’ve had the Twitter app on my phone constantly though, so I check the list throughout the day, and the negative stuff from it has been affecting me severely. So I guess I may be deleting the app for a few weeks so I can have a break from that. Ironically, almost always the stuff that bothers me is from people I do call my friends and/or support –and this is why I feel less and less comfortable in the community as a whole.

Sorry, it’s all pretty cryptic, huh? 😅 But at the end of the day I am writing this post for myself, to vent. So, it doesn’t really matter. No one needs to know the details.

Today is gonna be a long drawing day. I’m hoping to get multiple sketches and lines done for overdue commissions. So please look out for those! With the warm-ups done for now, I’m trying my best to catch up.

I’ll also catch up on several blog posts throughout the day.

Feeling Kinda Broken Lately… 💔

I think I just don’t know how to talk to people in a normal way. I say too much or too little, almost all of the time. Especially the former. I am so awkward.

I’ve been told I am this way since childhood and I have been told I have to change. I have always tried, and sometimes I think I am getting better, but eventually I am reminded that I’m really, really not. Every day it’s more obvious that I’m not neurotypical at all (and I never have been) but that knowledge doesn’t help. I still have to carry this painful inability to be social in the same wavelength as others that is always there. Always putting my foot in my mouth or wondering if I did. Always wondering.

I’m so sorry for being this way… I’m in a perpetual state of anxiety because of it. If I ever offend you, I probably didn’t mean to. I just really wear my heart in my sleeve instead of showing it slowly. It can be really off putting. I’m so sorry for that, I really mean that.

You Owe Communication 🔥

Over the last week away from home, I’ve had Twitter on my phone, and because I was so bored, I added everyone to a list that I’d peruse every once in a while, about 100 people.

I saw a lot of BS that it’s not worth my going on a pissy tirade about, but there is one 🔥 hot take 🔥 of my own that I want to share.

Last 48 hours I’ve seen several tweets about how awful a commissioner is if they dare contact you within a week to a month (!!) from the date of commission purchase. You know what the thing is though? I almost never, EVER see artists say something like “this is your delivery date/deadline and past that date you will get a refund”. The fact that most artists refuse to do this (something that never would fly in a professional, commercial setting) is part of the reason I rarely commission anyone.

Clients are seemingly expected to fork over money and wait for weeks/months without having any idea of what the artists’ queue is like, and if they do, what is the max deadline for their art. God forbid that, after a week or two or a month of radio silence, they ask for progress! 🙄 A simple question, that probably they are already anxious about asking, and shouldn’t have to be.

You know what? I almost never get asked. You know why? Because I provide deadlines. You HAVE to be able to provide a deadline. There seriously isn’t an excuse. Give an unreasonable deadline, if you have to. Five months. A year. Two years. Whatever. Say a date by which you will provide a refund no matter what. In a community where years-long waits are not at all unheard of, if you gave a commissioner zero inkling of what sort of wait might be in store, there is NOT a wrong time for them to reach out to you, because they just don’t know. That’s 100% on you.

Of course, context and tone matter. An “Is my art done yet??” message 48 hours after payment is obviously uncool. An “I was just wondering if you had an update on my commission” two weeks after payment if you provided absolutely no rough estimate of delivery, is polite and more than reasonable, and it is shitty of you not to have provided an estimated deadline in the first place.

A client deserves an estimated deadline from the get-go. No excuses. If you give one, you won’t have the stress of these messages because your client knows what to expect. Don’t leave them in the dark. They don’t deserve that. You’re doing what you love because of them.

I’m not saying it’s bad to give a long deadline if you must… I certainly do, and most of you know three months is my average. If your client is patient and considerate, they will understand that unexpected health issues might cause you to take up to, say, a year, if that is the deadline you must give (and I’m saying that as a kind of ridiculous deadline. If you can’t promise the art within a year, you shouldn’t be taking commissions, because at that point, that’s more like a donation, or an interest-free loan.)

Maybe it’s because I come from a primarily commercial art background, where a missed deadline is a big BIG deal. It’s also stressful –I do furry art because if I go a little bit past my deadlines my commissioners (often friends) are very understanding. To me, bristling at reasonable requests for updates is unbelievable.

You owe communication. You don’t owe speed beyond what you transparently promised on the onset –if you promised nothing, that’s a problem. Art is a business. Is money or goods changing hands in exchange for your art? It’s a business. Someone worked really hard for the money they gave you to receive a product in a realistic timeframe. It pisses me off to see tweets take traction that will make commissioners feel the process is even more unfriendly to them, when sometimes I don’t know how they keep throwing money at artists after getting continually burned by non-delivery or incredibly late deliveries.

Anyway, shitty takes aside, Twitter sucks ass as always, I don’t know how people manage to use it posting so many unhappy and hateful things every single hour lol, I already deleted the app and the follow list I made.

(Still doing my crossposting thing, nothing is changing from how it was before I left for the trip… I’m just stunned at how toxic it became again, once I made a list to follow people. Just. Holy shit. It’s seeping into FA, too. There is no escape, lol.)